26 November 2018

Twilight Zone: Nails III - Press on Nails - Part Two

 [Ed: Dear Reader, if you haven’t read Part One then please use the Nail as link.] 

uriosity got to me first and from the three sets I opened the pink ‘bottle’. The ImPress nails are in a case that looks like a small bottle and to open it you have to unscrew the top so that it opens up into two half’s. I emptied the contents onto the table top and arranged the nails into size.

As I have problems finding heels for my big plates, I was quite apprehensive to see if false nails - made I thought usually for delicate female hands - would be just too small for me. I started with the thumb as I wanted to see if the largest of the nails would fit it. To my relief it was a good match.
With this worry over I worked my way along the row selecting nails for each finger putting the nails in order and returning the others to the bottle. I opened the supplied alcohol pad and wiped my nails with it. I had another source of alcohol at hand (no brand name will be mentioned) in case the pad had dried out.

I took a deep breath and peeled off the plastic from the pinkie nail, aligned and pressed for what it was worth for about ten seconds. This seemed a bit short so I added another ten for good measure. By the end of the sticking phase I was down to ten seconds again.
I worked my way along until I arrived at my thumb and with being so distracted by the transformation that my fingers were undergoing I stuck it on as well. I was so fascinated with the result I just stared at my hand as I wiggled my fingers about hardly believing they were mine! What I did remember to do as with varnish, was to apply first the nails to my dominant ‘good’ hand which in my case is my left hand.

After a while I pulled myself together and started on my right hand. This time the now extended nails were ‘getting in the way’. Not that much as they were not that long, but still it was something to get used to. One had to rethink certain manoeuvres that without the nails one would do automatically. The weekend would be interesting in showing what subtle differences the extensions will make.

When I was finished I understood why there was the hint to leave the thumbs to the end. They were needed to apply pressure, and this pressure could unstick the thumb nail before the 30 minute ‘sticking phase’ was over.
I’m not sure how long it all took, but while concentrating on applying it slowly dawned on me that I was doing something I had dreamed about for years, dare I say decades!
Finally I was finished, I just sat there and stared in a sort of day dream as I twiddled them about, tapped them on the table and constantly told myself that they were my pink nails!

I loved them!

My hands were transformed in a way I never imagined! I was still slightly apprehensive that I would not get them off without pain or permanent damage, but I would worry about that when I came to it on Sunday and at that moment that was aeons away in the future. Still I tried ever so lightly to prize a nail off by grabbing the part extending over the length of my nail and twist it ever so slightly along its axis and then a bit more. 
To my relief and surprise it held as my finger plus nail turned together. As you can see in the third picture my index finger looks quite good, but the other two nails are not placed high enough up to the cuticle. But for a first try I was happy. After admiring my new nails for a time I realised I was hungry.

Luckily I remembered to get in pizza before starting, as the last thing I wanted was going to the front door with winter gloves on and trying to find the right money to pay! Also it was a warm May and explaining to our regular pizza man the gloves would have been difficult. Taking the delivery with my new nails would have been even more of a disaster than just trying to cope with loose change. Not only that the whole neighbourhood would be updated before the weekend was over.

That I regularly have shiny vanished nails due to my nail problem doesn’t really interest anyone. Although I do get ‘extended’ stares sometimes to which, unless they ask, I let them think what they want. Same when I mention in passing that I wear stockings and suspenders all and every day.. I have my favourite on at the moment with cute little bows on the straps.
Here’s a picture..
[Ed: You’re wandering off again!]
Yes, I am, still..
Ok now to the nail experience. I won’t go on in great detail to what I got up to that weekend..

[Ed: I should hope not!]
And what do you mean by that!?
[Ed: I … err .. somehow I’m not sure …
{I role my eyes and carry on}

The most drastic change was being almost constantly aware of my nails. I won’t go into experimental clinical research mode here but this was in someway an experiment and the various results I was getting, from visual and tactile feedback, were amazing!
First to the colour. Normally I take my nails for granted. They are there when I need them, for example to undo knots when making Celtic jewellery or to regularly scratch MrsA’s back while we watch the box. I don’t consciously see/focus on them unless they split or when they are too long and I get ‘that look’ from MrsA and then reluctantly go in search of the nail file.
But now I was distracted with ‘pink in motion’, either directly or in my peripheral vision. As I don’t normally wear pink, and certainly not up to then on the end of my fingers, I was just mesmerised looking at them.

Adding to the colour dancing about in front of my eyes was of course the unusual change in my haptic perception. The ends of my digits were downgraded to a secondary response level and the tips of my new nails were now my primary perceptual experience indicator.

[Ed: Your what indicator!?]
Ok, I’ll put it another way. It’s to do with the concept of extended physiological proprioception. In other words the end of my new nails took over from the end of my digits in telling me how to interpret what my hands were doing in certain intensive digital manoeuvres.
[Ed: ?? I shouldn’t have asked..]
For example when trying - I emphasise the word trying here - to play the piano.
[Ed: Ok, if you say so.]
Glad that’s now clear..

Ok it wasn’t that different as the nails were not that long. But whatever it was just everything I touched or handled felt a ‘touch’ different. With each new situation I had to concentrate a little more than usual when doing mundane manipulative manoeuvres. Like putting on any sensitive clothing like stockings, or buttoning up blouses. All had to be done slowly and with feeling.
I had almost got use to them as the evening progressed. That is until I got a text message on my mobile from MrsA. I had forgotten our daily catch-up before she went early to bed! She is the lark in the family and I’m the owl by the way especially this week. Normally we text each other before one of us rings the other. As I knew she wouldn’t go visual I was not concerned with having my nails longer than usual and in colour.
Well I picked up my olde Samsung S3 to answer and realised almost immediately this was not going to be quick and easy as I thought. It started with turning it on and entering the access code. It felt as if my hands were not mine!
In the film Edward Scissorhands, Ed ..
[Ed: You called?]
No, I was talking about another Ed.
[Ed: Oh..?]
As I was saying, Ed was master of his extraordinary hand extensions. I at that point in time was not. After two frantic failed attempts to enter my code I made it on the third so as not having to go hunting for the master code to unlock the phone. With a couple of swipes I had her message before me. Now it really got interesting. I had to reply quickly as she expects me to have my mobile on me all the times when we are apart.
[Ed: Also in the shower?]
You can believe it. Any long delays and she starts to panic.
Reasons (health wise/me/TGA) maybe another post.

My S3 is old, very old by mobile phone turnover standards. We have now generation S9 out there. The S3 display is relatively small as smart phones go and correspondingly so is the keyboard. I started to type and realised my fingers were drunk by the look of the results appearing before me. I was almost finished with a very short reply with the maximum number of typos that still made it readable, when the phone rang in my hands. This caught me by surprise and I almost drop it!
Of course it was MrsA.

I answered and as expected came ‘Are you alright?’
I made an excuse for the delay; we chatted awhile, said our goodnights and finished the call with difficulty. I was relieved that that was over. Not from the content of the call, but the logistics of holding and using the phone. It was a subtle difference having to use the ball of ones fingers and not the tips due to the nails getting in the way. I expect it would be even more extreme when one has longer talons.

I found out quite quickly that the screen didn’t respond to the tap of my nails. I suspect this was due to the phone having a capacitive touch screen and therefore no detectable charge was being transferred to my finger through the plastic nail to trigger a response.
[Ed: Can’t you leave this nerd stuff out? It’s distracting!]
No I can’t! I need to know why things don’t work. I can sleep better..
[Ed: Sleep better, my eye! You hardly got any sleep in the week, using to the full every waking moment dressed!]
True. Rare events need to be enjoyed to their full extent..

The rest of the evening was spend dressed and using my IPad, with frustrating difficulty, reading blogs and looking at YouTube. After a time I got better at tapping and swiping even through I was being constantly distracted by the pink.

As I was clearing away my nail vanishes for the night I came across the bottle with what looked like black and white glitter. I wasn’t really sure what the content was. Looking close up and at the label it didn’t tell me anything. Maybe black vanish with white inclusions or white with black inclusions. When I saw it advertised I was a little intrigued as it didn’t look like your normal varnishes. It was one of my spontaneous buys with other makeup articles and I had totally forgotten I had it until I lined it up with the others for possible use after sticking.
That’s always been my problem, I buy stuff but its takes ages before I have the opportunity either to wear or use. By the way I have now grouped all my stash by colour so to have matching clothes and heels all in one box, but that’s something for a separate post.

[Ed: I should hope so; this post is way over your ‘normal’ length.]
Oh dear, silence for months and now I can’t stop babbling on..

More in part two after I get some sleep. In the meantime I’ll let Ed: post something about nails and mobiles that I observed not long ago.

[Ed: You go to bed and I have to say up trying to read your scribblings!
Ok found it, here it is..]

Since I retired at the end of 2016 I rarely go into town. But when I do it’s with the tram, as driving and parking is catastrophic. On one of these trips I was fascinated looking at a girl opposite me texting away with in my mind far too long talons longer even than in the picture here, but everyone of course to their own length.
What caught my attention was the high speed as she tapped, swiped and made hieroglyphics like squiggles all across the screen! The mobile was one of the latest models if size was anything to go by. What added to this dexterity wonder was she had it in one hand and was using most of the time her thumb from the same hand! I suspect she was one of those people who when walking doesn’t look where she’s going, has music playing in earphones, holds her handbag with the one hand and is constantly tapping away with the other.

I have now a theory that nails get longer proportionately to the increase in the size of mobiles so as to sustain one handed users access to the complete keyboard. As boys, these days, are getting around to varnishing their nails, maybe extensions will soon be on the board to keep up with the girls.
For any of you interested in the differences in size between a Samsung S3 from 2012 and S9/S9+ from 2018, here the stats:

S3: 136.6mm x 70.6mm x 8.6mm (5.38in x 2.78in x 0.34in), 133g (4.69oz)
S9: 147.7mm x 68.7mm x 8.5mm (5.81in x 2.70in x 0.33in), 163g (5.7oz)
S9+:158.1mm x 73.8mm x 8.5mm (6.22in x 2.91in x 0.33in), 189g (6.7oz)

[Ed: Here the link to Part Three.]


  1. What a great review. I am off to the shop to get some

  2. Thanks it was an adventure!
    Let me know how you ‘got on’ and of course ‘them off’ Brenda!