18 March 2015

Windows: Dream Dressing

hat I mean here is dreaming of getting dressed, not the classical dreaming in sleep with REM etc. but either “day dreaming” or what I call “dusk dreaming”, those last thoughts of the day on hitting the hay and getting ready to enter the Land of Nod

First a mini ObserVation: Earlier when I could not get to sleep, either through stress or excess coffee/tea at a much to late an hour or both, the method that usually worked to relax and drop off was to imagine in slow motion and in as much detail as possible, dressing myself as a woman. I would start with putting on shape ware, followed by stockings, makeup, a dress, jewellery and heels. Well I usually never got (I think, difficult to remember the next morning) beyond makeup or maybe a dress, as I was soon gone to the world. Some may say the opposite should have happened, but no, I just nodded off. 
Now since having my own wardrobe and the rare chance to enjoy it (see last post: Getting ready to go out) this method does not work anymore. I think it could be that I really know now how it feels to dress, instead of just imagining it, and because I can’t dress as often as I want, this introduces another stress (frustration) that blocks the sandman in some way. 
Any ideas? 
Please note: If any of you are going to ask what I do now to drop off, forget it, I will adamantly decline to say anything as this may be used etc. etc.. 

Ok and so to a day dream sequence from the past. 
I must have suppressed this next memory, or filed it away under “of no present interest”, but it surfaced again recently triggered by finding some old photos of my grandma and Abigale looking over my shoulder. There was a time my parents and I (a reluctant tagger on in this case) went regularly, almost every weekend to East London to visit my Nana to see how she was doing. We would fill the fridge, stock up larder and then take her out for a drink(s) until the pubs closed. We did this for as long as I can remember. Of course as a kid I wasn’t allowed in pubs, either the pub had a “family room”, or if not Dad would go and collect the drinks and we would stay put in the car. Invariably with the last round of the evening, he would “forget” to return the glasses and only “remember” them again when we were well and truly home. It’s interesting what embarrassing things stick in one’s mind! 

Anyway, I have a scene before me. I must have been somewhere between 12 and 14. My recollection was sitting in the back of the car homeward bound (glasses under the seat), bored as usual, and trying to keep my mind off being on the edge of being permanently car sick. This was due to the combination of the smell of plastic seats and two chain smokers puffing away up front. It was around midnight and we had to drive east back along the Commercial Road to the outskirts of the city. As my parents in silence, concerned themselves with driving through the Kray Brothers’ territory (Ronnie and Reggie were at the height of their notoriety at the time) and trying to keep on the move by hitting a green light sequence (stopping was not a good idea), I stared out at the endless chain of shop fronts sailing passed bathed in a dim sodium yellow light.

Most of the shops were dark, but every now and then one would be lighted up and I could get an idea of what they were selling. I of course was only interested in shops selling girly things. When I spotted one I would imagine myself going in (the door was always open) trying on whatever they were selling dresses, shoes, lingerie whatever. I would then leave, keeping my choice on and walk hurriedly on in the direction of home, of course magically keeping pace with the car. With the next lighted shop I would repeat the “experience”, this time either picking up another garment, jewellery or some makeup. I had “won” when I was fully transformed before we got home.
A variation on this, when the weather was not wet and windy, was starting out naked and before getting caught (which never happened), seeing how long it took to get “respectable” in some way.

I think I must have reached the Land of Nod a few times over the years, as I remember being awakened from my slumber on arriving home.


  1. Hi Abi
    I tried your "drop off" method the other night - I didn't get past make-up (I do that first) - not because I fell asleep straight away, more because I'm hopeless at concentrating at that time of night, and I kept being distracted! xx Daria

    1. Hi Daria,
      yes your right, you have to concentrate even when thinking about doing makeup. Maybe you should leave that to the end and keep to non-invasive stuff beforehand (e.g. selecting a dress). Remember if you get to Makeup then it may be better to stop, we don’t want you falling asleep and poking your eye out with the mascara do we!
      With the “I kept being distracted”, I won’t ask what that was about..
      Abigale xx

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  3. I reread this post, Abi and I still want to comment it, maybe a bit late,but certainly not too late.
    We all are dreamers in one way or another and all our life. Dreaming can be wonderful, but waking up is so frustrating and becomes more and more depressing.
    The dreams must come to an end and we will only dream anymore when we have achieved our objective, to live our life as a woman... It's a hard thing to change and we need a lot of personal courage but it's necessary to do.

    1. Thanks Feli for you thoughts.
      Below 2 quotes on Dreams and Visions that come to mind...

      Dream lofty dreams, and as you dream, so you shall become.
      Your vision is the promise of what you shall one day be;
      your ideal is the prophecy of what you shall at last unveil.

      James Allen

      Your vision will become clear only when you can look into your own heart. Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakes.
      Carl Jung

    2. When I look into my heart I see a jungle and this jungle is our society, Abi! A girl like us is struggling against prejudices and barriers and, step by step, is following her path to womanhood to achieve her goal of blossoming into a woman. That's so hard, but she needs to do it......
      We all should look into our heart, that's true. But we also should try to see with our heart and not with our eyes as the Little Prince says. Then we can see rightly, the essential things are invisible to the eye. That could be the beginning for more tolerance and an easier life and maybe a more feminine world.
      Hugs and all the best to you, Abi!

    3. Thank you Feli and all the best for you and your dreams!