16 February 2015

ObserVation: Heels for health (heelnote)

s I have been down with the flu since my last post, I got to thinking in my delirium and between bouts of coughing about the choice I had made in the shoe store mentioned in my last post on heels for health. For those who have read the post, it was while shopping for shoes for my wife that the shop owner asking me if I would also like to try some heels on. For those who hadn’t read the post, well now you know. I’ll add again at this point that the wife at present has no idea of Abigale’s existence, not a happy situation and will be taken up in future posts.
So, as I had wrote in the post I said “no” to the offer of trying on heels. I must say I found myself surprisingly embarrassed with the situation at the time. It could have been I was warning myself of the possible difficulties I would be getting into if I had said “yes”. 

Now to make it a little more complicated. If I had had this opportunity to try on heels before May 2014, I would have probably have said “yes”. Why? Quite simple, up to that time I had no experience in heels. Since then Abigale has bought a complete wardrobe and a collection of heels in various heights /colours / styles. These shoes have given me, with the help of YouTube videos and trial and error pain, the opportunity to experience the “womanly walk” and keep me most of the time in an elevated upright position while in them. Therefore before May I would not have had to fake anything, since then I would. 

Here follows two extreme scenarios that illustrate in some way my quandary at the time. Most of the shoes in the shop where 4.5" (11cm) and upwards, not the easiest height for starters. Following a "search and fit" phase it would have been time for the dreaded "stand up and walk" phase.. 

One: Stand up without any help, ignore any warnings of taking it easy and slow, with knowing strides hips swaying but not overdone, walk the length of the shop, placing one foot in front of the other without falter, heel-toe heel-toe, stop, a practiced turn as on the catwalk, pause, balance on one foot while looking critically down at the other shoe from different angles, same with the other foot, walk back this time one foot a tick over the other turning toes slightly outwards, turn and sit down gracefully without using the hands for support. Then while looking up say "very comfortable just love the colour! By the way have you any Mary Jane’s in blue or pink?
Two: Try very slowly to stand up holding on to the chair for dear life, as soon as in the vertical, grope out in typical Frankenstein’s monster pose seeking support as if life depended on it, wobble like mad, remark on how the hell can woman stand in these things let alone walk in them, try a few steps with legs / hips stiff and feet at crazy angles, turn abruptly around in a drunken sway and make a staggered bee line back to the safety of the chair, while turning and falling into it, say “thank you for the experience, but no thank you!

Ok I went over the top with this, but even with something in between the two, my wife would just not have bought it. Anything in the direction of the first scenario would have been a dead giveaway, our talk on the way home would have started with having to explain why it looked like I could walk in heels without any beginners mistakes, far from it. This would have gone on to a mix of curiosity, the killing of a cat and in depth 3rd degree, resulting by the end of the day in Abigale being pinned out on the dissecting table, but not under my terms. 
With anything in the direction of the second scenario just as bad, she knows me too well, she would have seen immediately I was faking it in some way, mainly due to the lack of effect in trying to balance. In the past we had years of ballroom and Latin American dancing, our teacher once remarked that I could sway my hips better than most men (and some women) in our group and in combination with years of Tai Chi I can hold my balance quite well even just on the ball of one foot. 

Result: I think she would have cottoned on and seen that either this was not the first time in high heels or that I put on such a show to hide the possibility I could probably walk in high heels. Whatever, it would have been a “loose loose” situation. Also the owner of the shop would have noticed any “ability” in my “walk around” and may have said something in jest which may have not been that far from, if not the truth. 
All a bit risky and therefore the “no” was, I think the best option under the circumstances. 

Now that I have that out of the way, one thing is still nagging me with the “yes” situation. If everything had gone smoothly and we all three had had our fun with my “fitting”, what would I have done if the owner, seeing a potential sale, had confronted me with the dreaded “buy” question.. 
I think I’ll speculate upon this in another post. I will mention here that although I implied I haven’t any experience in heels before May ‘14, this is not strictly true, but as good as. With the next “Windows:” post, I’ll elucidate on this and then maybe the “problem” with the question buy or not to buy, will become more complicated than it already is.


  1. Your example, Abi, to buy or not to buy the high heels, seems to be a simple one for girls like us, but it is a general one. Trans means that we have to constantly decide on what to do. Going out dressed or not, passing or coming out or not and finally transitioning or not. Nobody can help us.
    Thanks for your thoughts, Abi!


    1. Yes Feli, some decisions can have wide reaching consequences, one must be careful and think each one through. I have in the last 2 posts spun the buy or not to buy decision out a little but the core thoughts are valid. And as said, at the end of this post, I’m not finished just yet! I still have a couple more pieces to place on the board before the heel game comes to the end.

    2. I have re-read your post, Abi and I agree with you that the core thoughts are valid. When the owner offered you to try on heels, you had to decide if you were ready to come out. I think she had a good working trans-radar. So if you would have accepted, it wouldn't have been a big surprise for her.
      We are full of fear even in situations like this. A clear "yes" could resolve many problems.
      I eagerly await the next post, Abi. Please don't keep us waiting too long.I hope the heel game comes to a happy end.

    3. I hope not to disappoint you Feli with the next part of my “heel story”. Nothing adventurous really happened afterwards. I will only speculate more on the aftermath from that fixative point of “knowing” if I had said "yes", and my home life thereafter.
      We will see..